“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears” Nelson Mandela

Avoiding the fallacy of binary choices

I am often asked, “My job meets X criteria. But, I won’t get Y. Should I stay in my current role or should I quit? "

Assuming you are clear on your ‘why’, “Are you sure you have just two options?”

In 2008, I was working at Citigroup while pursuing a part-time MBA at NYU. My spouse, Prasanth, had moved back from Philly after his MBA. He was at Bear Stearns. 

As you know, Bear imploded. A global financial crisis erupted. To add to the chaos, I was recovering from a miscarriage. We were devastated.

Luckily, Prasanth soon landed a job at Lazard. The catch? It was in San Francisco.

Questions loomed. Having stayed apart for 2 years, how/when would we be able to live together? What about my job and MBA? Our green card process?

First, things first. Prasanth moved to SF. We visited each other when we could.

I explored if I could transfer my MBA. Nope. That disappointment gave way to excitement: we had a baby on the way! My excitement then gave way to mild panic. What did the next 12-18 months look like? I came up with this:

Option 1: Stick it out for at least ~1.5 years in NYC. Have the baby. Find some help. Finish my MBA, and move to SF. Ughh

Option 2: Find a job in SF. Pause my MBA. Resume sometime later, i.e., NEVER? Ughher

It was exhausting. I felt boxed in. I needed a fresh perspective.

My MBA

Prasanth persuaded me to push beyond the ‘no’. I reached out to both NYU and Berkeley. After some back and forth, it turned out that there WAS a path forward.

If I completed 75% of my credits at Stern, I could apply to Berkeley's EMBA program to wrap up the remaining coursework. NYU would still issue my degree.

A door had existed all along. I needed help to reframe and ask the right questions.

My Job

Prasanth and I brainstormed options. Citi had just declared a WFH experiment for 3 days/week. Yes! You read that right. It did happen! 

Our proposal: I would work East Coast hours remotely from SF. Every few weeks, on my own dime, I would fly to NY.

I hesitated to propose this ‘crazy’ option. To my surprise, my manager had an easier time saying yes to me than I had saying ‘yes’ to myself. I had to get out of my own way.

So, I moved to SF. Worked remotely and traveled to NY etc. 

We welcomed our baby in July 2009. I resigned after my maternity leave ended; I also wrapped up my MBA in early 2010. Soon, I stumbled into the world of product management. I switched careers.

An exciting door opened, one I wasn't aware of.

Was it easy? No.

But, it worked out.

Now going back to that career question that I am asked. Builders/product managers don’t let constraints limit us when it comes to delivering results.

We question. We revisit assumptions. We reframe. We collaborate with others to unlock creative options and solutions.

So why not apply that same mindset to your career and major life decisions?  Avoid falling prey to binary thinking.

I came across the book ‘Decisive’ by Chip and Dan Heath and realized that I had inadvertently followed some of their tips. I highly recommend their decision-making framework.